Setting Relationship Goals for a More Amazing Relationship
Most (if not all) of us simply exist in our relationships. We go through each day hoping our loves will either do something to make us fall right back into puppy love with them again or just not do something that drives us insane.
Then the next day happens and we are either up, down, or indifferent all over again.
…then the next day happens…
Is it so confusing that all relationships take that gradual slide down into comfort and a sweet kind of static boredom? What seems to be the problem and how can we prevent relationships from becoming stale?
The problem is that both of you have never even bothered to set your own relationship goals. It’s quite possible you’ve never even considered it was possible. Each of you comes from that “I’m gonna try to get everything I need from this person and hope they comply” place and, in the end, you have a relatively break-even track record.
What if you could turn that so so relationship record into one that is always arching upwards into more and more delight and rapture? The solution? Setting a relationship goal!
How to determine goals for your relationship
When some people think about setting goal, they always start at the top. “I want to be a millionaire” is a fantastic goal, but if you state it just in those terms, it’s not really an achievable goal at all. Goals need to start with exactly where you’re at and work their way into the clouds. If the goal is to be a millionaire, the first goal might be to get out of debt.
Many of you thought about one thing when you heard the relationship goals; you thought about your ultimate goal of getting married. This, my friends, is the last place you want to start! Having the goal of marriage overshadows all those amazing things that build up to an unbreakable marriage. It seems that the marriage-minded rush headlong into their final goal without ever really bothering to know or understand the person they are pledging their hearts to. No wonder divorce rates are higher than they have ever been…
So what kinds of goals are the best to focus on? It’s simple. Your main achievement in all of this should be a deep understanding of the person you are falling in love with. Getting there is as easy as peeling back the layers of an onion. Each new discovery leads you to an even more sensitive and exciting part of your lover.
Starting goals for every relationship
What do you want? That’s where you start!
If you just want someone to play around with keeping things light and sexy, then you want to avoid any of the deeper topics. But I must tell you, even the lighter things are so much more enjoyable when you are sharing them with someone you know inside and out.
So let’s just assume you want a solid, trustworthy, inspiring relationship. Now let’s look at some example of goals you can set for it:
- I want to know him/her better. How can you accomplish this? By asking tons of questions! Things like “if you had a million dollars” or “if you no longer had to work any more” or even “what you you name your kids” are great places to start. Each one of these gives you a deeper perspective as to how much and how well thought out these plans might be.
- I want to know him/her outside their elements. Brilliant! We all coast through our lives swimming in the waters we know. Life rides along on autopilot and we never have to stretch ourselves to grow. Make a goal to go on a vacation where neither one of you has been and see if your partner can handle something new. This experience also bonds you deeper together since you will (or should) have each other’s backs. If they fall apart in very simple situations, you might uncover that they might not be able to handle the stresses of a deep relationship.
- I want to know ME outside MY elements. Quit your job. Go to School. Move somewhere else. Change your hair drastically. Did any of those make your heart pound a little bit? You might be really boring in a relationship. Make some changes in your life so you can prove to yourself that you can handle it. If you can’t do something for yourself, how can you possibly do it when you lover makes you make some hard decisions.
- I want us to have an emotional maturity. Sure, you can handle your emotions on your own, but part of being in a relationship is meeting the ways you both feel in a way that’s nurturing and respectful. If all of someone’s tantrums devolve into name calling and “I hate you’s,” your relationship is going to eventually do some real damage. If you’ve ever wondered how couples you thought were amazing turn into brutal, angry breakups and divorces, it’s because that lack of emotional maturity has ground both of them down into raw nerves.
- I want to understand my lover. We all do some pretty stupid things. The truth is that most of us can’t help it. It’s the only way we know to get love/attention/self-worth. EVERYTHING that happened to us throughout our lives has written pages in our own personal instruction manuals. Really getting to know the person you love involves understanding why they do what they do. Are they emulating their parents or family members? Are they constantly trying to make right something horrible that happened in their lives. True understanding comes from knowing why he or she does what they do and showing empathy for their path.
- I want to teach him/her something incredible! This could be as simple as teaching them self-reliance in some area or even what it feels like to be completely loved. These are the bonds that make relationships other-worldly. If you teach your boyfriend how do something cool on his phone, he will ALWAYS think about you every time he does it. If you teach your girlfriend how to change a tire on her car, she will send you heart-felt thanks at some part in her life no matter what happens in your relationship.
This is an amazing topic so stay tuned for more ideas on how to set goals in your relationship to get the perfect relationship you want…
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Check out this article on Couple Goals